I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
