my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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