what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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