i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
