meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
