Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
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we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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