I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
