So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
