Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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