Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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