she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
