3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
