I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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