i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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