well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
