Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
