The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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