Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
