OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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