How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
