I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
