I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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