some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
