Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
