ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
