hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
