Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
