question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
