Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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