You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
