Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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