I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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