The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
