I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
