I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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