I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
