I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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