I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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