Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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