Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
