my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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