Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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