this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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