he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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