Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
