Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
