Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
