We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
