Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
