I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
