I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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