I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You are a genius and a whore.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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