I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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