when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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