I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
