Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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