I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
