You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sorry about my life...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
