chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
