No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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