Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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