gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
