I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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