sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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