So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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