When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
