I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
