i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
