Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
