bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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