Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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