hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
