i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
