Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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