Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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