The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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