Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
