Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
