just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
