I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
