I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
